I'm back! (and I have something for you)

A little update + how to join my upcoming course in mindfulness meditation for 30% off.

Hello, new subscribers and Begin Again veterans. We’re back!

I don’t know about you, but December feels like eons away. Things have shifted immensely since I last wrote to you. My transpersonal psychotherapy course started in January, and I’m still adjusting to the volume of reading and the depth of our collective and personal explorations. I got a new therapist! I’ve made new friends. I bought no fewer than three Buddha statues that I found in odd places (gas station, supermarket, garden shop). I gave up seafood. I got vaccinated!

Perhaps the most important update of all is that last month I finally launched my services as a trauma-sensitive coach and psychedelic integration specialist. “Stepping into my own power” wasn’t the pantsuit moment I imagined. In reality, the launch felt more like leaping off a cliff with my fingers pressed against my eyes while screaming ffffuuuuck all the way down. The rapid descent plunged me straight into the hellscape of my deepest fears. I spent entire days manically reviewing my courses and trying to read all the books on all modalities - and I believed I could. The primal threat of annihilation was a very productive place to be, although I can’t say I retained much while in this fight-flight-study survival response (gosh, even my trauma is nerdy).

But rest assured, I made it out, and my fears and I are now buddies for life, like a group of mad drunks who made it through a tough night together and now playfully tease each other about their terrible ideas. In fact, if there’s a recurring lesson here, it’s surrender: that I’ve put enough effort for things to work out, and to relax and enjoy being a beginner again. And funnily enough, the minute I allowed my (physical and metaphorical) butt to unclench, things started flowing again. One of the most transformational trainings I’ve ever done popped into my inbox, changing my practice and giving me one of the most psychedelic experiences I ever had, without the drugs.

And while I’ll be telling you all about this experience in the next newsletter, today I’m writing to you for a different reason. Well, one, to let you know that I’m alive and well, and will be back very soon with lots of really interesting ideas - but mostly to tell you about the meditation course I’ll be teaching from next week, which you can join at a special price as a thank you for being a subscriber.

The funniest thing about this course is that, well, I didn’t intend on doing it. The whole idea came to me in a flash… in meditation. And I mean everything: the structure, length, price, even the name - all of which my ego mind predictably resisted as too challenging, too much, too lame. But the vision remained clear - so I went along with it, plunged into the depths of my fears, and here we are.

This course is a synthesis of all my training in mindfulness meditation and trauma treatment, as well as hundreds of hours of practice over the years. Essentially, it’s an initiation into the art and science of mindfulness meditation: you’ll get to understand what meditation really is, what types of attention we’re working with, and how to develop them. And you’ll practice it! In each session we’ll build a little more awareness of our bodies, emotions, and thoughts, slowly revealing the layers of the mind. And we’ll do it all by paying special attention to the autonomic nervous system - the place where all our trauma resides.

The trauma-sensitive lens is what truly makes this course unique. You may think you’re too fidgety to sit still for meditation, that you can’t breathe properly, or that your mind simply can’t do it. We all have the ability to meditate within us - it’s just that sometimes our own bodies, emotions, or thoughts are too dangerous to sit with. And so we distract ourselves with other things: we put on a show (and another, and another), we call a friend, we keep ourselves busy.

Unfortunately, though, most of us still hold unresolved traumas in our bodies, which often makes meditation challenging or even impossible. It’s not uncommon for meditation to initially make things worse when people with depression or anxiety start practicing with the aid of apps or non-trauma-informed teachers. Trauma-sensitive approaches focus on building resources and offering modifications for when things get patchy. They teach the lifesaving skill of self-regulation: the ability to calm your nervous system down, bring it back to safety, and slowly heal it.

And that’s why my course blends both trauma awareness and meditation. Both science and art. Both theory and practice. Mindfulness is usually step one in trauma treatment - and while I won’t be doing trauma work with you, you’ll make the first steps towards mastering yourself and the trauma that lives in you. My aim is to use these ten sessions to teach you how to build a self-guided practice that’s supportive and safe.

And if you reach enlightenment on the way, we can pretend that was always the plan.

So if you’d like to join, we start this Tuesday, May 4.

We’ll meet twice weekly to learn and practice together via Zoom, and you’ll get handouts and home practices to do in between. For a little extra, you can also get an individual 90-minute session with me to explore a guided interactive meditation of your choice, and integrate the experience. But I won’t bore you with all the details now. Just head over to this link here to read more about the course and sign up.

And make sure you use the code “substack” at checkout to get it all 30% off. Registration closes tomorrow (Sunday) evening. I’d be so honoured to be your teacher and guide.

Thank you for being here, and I’ll be back very soon. Hugs!